Some Hard Things

We knew when we decided to pursue adoption that it was going to be a bumpy road. I’ve never heard an adoption story that was smooth sailing from beginning to end. It’s just… a process, and a difficult one, at that. So, we expected to encounter roadblocks and disappointments. I will tell you though, we (or at least I) didn’t expect so many, so early on in the process. From the two years it took to get us to where we are now, (start here, if you’re new to our story), which still kind of feels like the starting line, we have encountered many frustrations and setbacks.

No matter what the setback has been, there always seem to be people out there who just don’t understand our heart for adoption, and who don’t understand that we are being called down this road. But they care about us and our journey. Every time we update them and there’s a roadblock, I hear these people telling us that maybe this is not what we should be doing, or that maybe this isn’t the right time for us. And they say it with good intentions, and are trying (I think) to be reassuring, but all it really does for me is add to my frustration. It trivializes my feelings, and just makes me feel like I don’t have the support that I was hoping for. You don’t have to know exactly what I’m feeling, what my intentions are, or where I’m coming from to know that sometimes you should just keep your opinions to yourself. Harsh? Maybe, but that’s how I’m feeling about it at the moment, so I’m laying it out there. Folks just don’t get it…

Anywho. I bring this up, because shocker!- we’ve come up against something… hard. We have been moving towards an orphan in the China Special Needs program, hoping to be matched with a child with minor to correctable special needs. Last week, we were told that China would only approve us to go through their Special Focus program. This is a bit different  than the Special Needs program. Ok, a lot different. The children in this group are either older (6+ years) or have more moderate to severe medical conditions. We’re not sure what all that entails, but I’ve got to be honest with you, we’re nervous about it. We don’t feel like we are ready to parent a child with major special needs, and are not looking to bring home an older child at this time. But, what is considered special needs and special focus is kind of… fuzzy. So we’re talking about the types of conditions we are willing to accept, and which we are not, and hoping to get some questions answered, and fears relieved. We know of folks who’ve gone the Special Focus route and brought home a perfectly healthy kid. We also know of people who were matched with a Special Needs child, only to discover that there were other issues they weren’t aware of.  It’s really all a big unknown, no matter what road you go down, and all we can do is hope and pray.

Tomorrow we have a call with our agency to talk about our reservations, and to go over the special needs we are willing to take on. We will hear from them if these are conditions they see in the Special Focus group, or if we’re going to have to take another detour to our child by choosing to adopt from another country. I’m praying that we will be told that there are cases that fall within our “criteria” in the Special Focus group, and that we can continue in our current direction. I hope this because I don’t want to waste more time, but also because I know that we can be matched more quickly in the Special Focus group, and I’m hoping that this is just a small issue that leads to us bringing home our child that much sooner.

In the end, I know that God has a child picked out for us, and that all of the roads we are taking are leading us to them. I am remembering that, reminding myself to trust His plan and let go of the control I don’t have anyway. If you could be praying for us- for our call tomorrow, for the decisions we have upcoming, and for our child- somewhere out there, I would certainly be grateful. Thank you.

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