Austin just turned one. We threw him a big birthday bash a couple of weekends ago, and I have been yet to give you the details. I will. Promise! But, things have been crazy around here, and I’m taking my time. Please bear with me.
Well, as that milestone approached and passed, we were very often asked if we were ready to have another baby, or what our plans were for having the next. We know a few couples who had their first child around the time Austin was born, and they are pregnant with #2. We have a bunch of soon-to-be first-time parents in our circle of friends, as well. So the baby talk is everywhere. Apparently Chris wants an insta-family, as every time he hears or sees a newborn, he let’s me know that he thinks we should have another – like, now.
I’m not in a rush to get pregnant again. But, if you know me at all, you know that I like to have a plan. Most days, I can give you an hour by hour rundown of what needs to get done, and the best possible way in which to do it. I used to be a pretty go-with-the-flow person, but now, when days are busy, I am a task master. I blame it on having a baby who needs to stick to a schedule, at least a bit. I can’t help it. And if I could, I’d have the future expansion of our family mapped out. I wish it were that simple.
Last year, we finally finished our adoption home study. As exciting as that was, it doesn’t really feel like we are any closer to being matched with a child. From here, we just wait… And that is my struggle. We have no idea how long it will take to be matched with our future son/daughter(s). We could get a call tomorrow, or we may still be waiting this time next year. We have no idea.
And the planner in me is anxious about it. Not knowing when that child (or pair of children) will come into our home, or if it will be a newborn, a two-year old, or both, really throws a wrench in my planning efforts. You know how people like to envision their future family? They think about having two kids, maybe three, spaced 2 years apart -or something like that. They have the perfect little picture in mind. Of course there is only so much any set of parents can control, but at least they have their hands in the timing somewhat. My picture has changed a lot, but it’s something like: getting a placement for a three-year old and a three-month old at the end of the September, and then getting pregnant at the end of next September. Pretty specific, huh? Ha. Now that that’s in writing, I’m sure nothing will happen like that at all. Or, God will show up in a HUGE way and do exactly that, just to show me a little something and shut me up. Well, anyway. The last time we made a pseudo-plan about having kids, the Lord threw our plans out the window.
The birth of Austin was not penned this early into our plan. We were supposed to finish our adoption home study, be married for two years, and then get pregnant. God’s plan overruled ours. And we are seeing how much better His plans for us are than our own. Our life is so much better because of the “wrench” He threw. But did I learn my lesson? Ha! No. And so here I am, trying to figure out ways to plan, and the Lord is just shaking His holy head at my stubbornness. “Alicia,” the He gently says. “I am trying to teach you patience. Let go and trust Me. I know what I’m doing.”
I guess I have entered what my pastor calls “wait training”. Basically, it’s a time of waiting, but just like weight training makes your muscles stronger, wait training makes your heart stronger. When you come out of it, you should find that your faith is stronger, too -as is your patience and appreciation.
I may not ever know when the “right” time to try to have another baby will be. I guess it can’t depend on when our adoption placement actually happens. As a good friend told me earlier, It will happen when He says it’s supposed to, and if that means getting a placement at the same time as getting pregnant, it will work out. She reminds me to breathe, and I do. It’s all in His timing, and if my Father in heaven is trying to teach me about patience, I should listen. (And listening is something I’m trying to work on big-time this year.) And so, I wait….